YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
