You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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