dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
