i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
