I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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