I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
