Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
honey bunches of taint.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
