The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
