Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
