Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
