I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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