my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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