I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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