I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
