DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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