My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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