Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
