Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i will never coherently bang her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
