well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
