but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
