I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
