don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
