After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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