I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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