So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
