I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
