In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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