u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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