i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
