It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
