he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
