I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this just has baby written all over it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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