Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
