I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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