You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
did i just pee glitter
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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