Fine. I'll sleep in my office
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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