There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
