I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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