Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
