I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He felt like a one man threesome
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As shirtless as possible
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
