That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
