Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
