you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my fart just growled at me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
