I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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