Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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