Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
