kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i've created a new STD.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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