my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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