we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
