Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
