Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
