I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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