Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
