how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
