i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
