I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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