So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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