Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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