First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
